jennymac14

For those who watch me, I'd like to apologize for the lack of substantial posts.

I do like to write and draw, and I'm (slowly) improving, and hopefully I can put out more.

Thank you, everyone who is a watcher of mine, for sticking around.

I recently went to a gaming expo, and met up with a fellow artist who is pretty awesome. I gave him money for a commission, and he asked me a question: "When will you have your vendor table? I'd love for you to sell some of your stuff. You can do it. Anyone can draw. They just need to practice well and keep at it."

I never really thought about it. I don't think I have sellable art, especially when compared to artists. About the only thing I'd feel good about selling is my abstract art. Even then. I think I need a bit more practice before considering selling anything. Even then, I'm honestly the cheapest person in the world and probably wouldn't make a lot

But it's nice to be encouraged.

Have you ever sold your art? How did you feel about it?

I usually try and be silent on feelings because I feel like they will just affect others, and the world has enough problems as is.

But having kept all of these negative feelings, just for the sake of protecting others, it starts hurting eventually. I'm sure, logically, anyway, that things will be okay, and I know that I am loved and cared for, but sometimes I examine myself and the anxiety kicks in all over again. Yes, I am getting older, and perhaps I am not where I should be, according to society, but maybe that's okay, and I can be myself.

And if that isn't good enough for people, it will have to be good enough for me. Obviously, I should take care of myself; I need to start doing that. It will only get harder as I'm older.

For those feeling less than happy, I find that "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" by Monty Python can bring some cheer, as can their skits in general. I especially like their Monty Python and the Holy Grail soundtrack. It features clips from the movies but also some of their own bits, and it's great.

Anyways, I hope you're having a better day than me.

I dislike working. It prevents creativity. But it has to be done.

If you could flip a switch, and fix all that was wrong with you, would you do it?

I've often said no; the flaws make me what I am, blah blah blah. But tonight just kinda snapped something in me; my life is the same thing over and over, I can't go to any doctorates program because they won't give me anything other than student loans, my bank account is unhappy, I'm 27 going to be 28, why can't I do anything right, where did my life go wrong, that kind of thing...

...sometimes I wish I could flip a switch and fix all that was wrong with me. Perhaps then, things would be better?

But I do tell myself, quite often, that although I may occasionally hate myself, some out there love me as I am, and that's good enough for me, even when the darkest depression kicks in (like tonight), I know that I just need to pick myself up and go again.

I hope that you too find the people who care about you the most, even in your darkest days.